When my voice finally fails me;
The words “I Love You” no longer reach your ears.
Will you still see their meaning?
And hear their tones in the silence of my tears? 
When my legs no longer hold me;
No longer can I walk by your side.
Will you still stand beside me?
Or push my chair with pride?
When my arms no longer hold you;
No more can you feel their warm embrace.
Will you still see their strength?
When you look upon my face?
When my hands stop working;
No longer combing through your hair.
Will you still feel their gentle touch?
In a caress which is no longer there?
When my face becomes frozen;
From my eyes all you see is a cold icy stare.
Will you still see beyond them?
And know the love and warmth that’s still there?
As my body slowly betrays me;
No longer allowing me to show the love I’ve shown for years.
Will you still feel the warmth?
And hear the love from the silence of my tears?
From The Silence of My Tears
Thief in the day
I don’t know if it is the same for everyone else with Parkinson’s, but you know the crazy thing about this damn disease is how it sneaks into our lives, in my opinion – quickly and sporadically. I don’t remember my handwriting slowly getting worse, just one day it was illegible(of course that happened when I was 12, over 30 years ago). Nor can I remember my arms slowly stop swinging, just one day someone asked me “Why don’t you move your arms when you walk?” That was the first time I realized it. I don’t remember my gait getting slower or smaller, just one day noticed I was shuffling my feet. My sense of smell didn’t slowly fade, I remember being able to tell which one of my kids walked in the door from their fragrance (no not BO), then one day it was gone along with all other smells except those phantom ones I get from time to time. PD is a very adept thief, it enters our homes while we are there and takes from us precious items. Some of these items are returned to us just as suddenly with the use of modern medicine. Most we will most likely only see again in memories. Of all the things this thief has taken the one I miss the most is my ability to show emotion on my face without making it looked forced. To see my emotions reflected in the faces of my loved ones, some of whom have never known me before I was robbed. I look forward to the day that someone catches this thief red handed and it gets locked away to pillage no more.
Do I wake from dreaming…
Do I wake from dreaming or am I still asleep?
For often your voice within my ears I keep.
As gently as a whisper, as mighty as the lions’ roar,
Softly on the gentle breeze or aft’ the slamming door.
My name I hear you call in that old familiar tone,
And I often wonder, is it heard by me alone?
Last night I thought I felt you sitting on my bed,
I thought I felt your lips then press on my forehead.
How can it be though, you’ve been gone these many years;
Yet still when I think of you I’m often brought to tears.
Are you always in the house, or do you come and go?
Is that you I’ve seen watching from the rear window?
Are you proud of me and the person I’ve become?
Is that you talking when I think I’ve heard someone?
Why can I only hear you clear when I’m still asleep?
For its’ not my ears but within my heart your voice I do keep.
My ears have grown to old to hear you it may seem,
But I’ll hear you in with my heart each night as I do dream.
Do I wake from dreaming or do I stay asleep?
For now, I’ll dream, and by your side I’ll keep.
_Doug Logan
2018
The Same Man
I’m the same man I used to be…
Just now I’m more prone to slip and fall,
I’ve still the same dreams I used to see…
Now there’s a horror story written on the wall,
I still love you like I used to do…
Just take a look through this disguise,
My heart still yearns to be with you…
And look deep within these frozen eyes,
My arms still long to hold you tight…
The embrace is just not as steady any more,
I’ll watch over you through the night…
Now that I don’t sleep as I did before,
I’m the same man I used to be…
Why past this shell can’t people see?
Star Light
Star light;
Star bright;
Which loved one are you tonight?
Are you an Aunt, an Uncle, or one of the Grands?
Are you all when your numbers are that of the sands;
Or just a few when you can be counted on the hands?
I wish I may, I wish I might;
See who is watching over me tonight;
To see you would fill my heart with delight.
Shine and twinkle brightly, star;
For I think I know who you are;
As you watch me from afar.
Always there, through day or night;
Hidden from view or in plain sight;
Giving me comfort with your light.
Letting me know you’re always near;
At times your voice does reach my ear;
Letting me know there’s nothing to fear.
Star light;
Star bright;
I know you’re watching my home this night.
_Doug Logan
2018
Silver lining
There’s a storm cloud which hangs over me
It takes away my warmth and causes apathy
The silver lining, I cannot see.
It grew in darkness so gradually, when it started I cannot say
Took away my strength and agility more and more each day
The silver lining, I cannot see.
Like a thief in plain sight, both brash and bold
Facial expressions it’s taken, leaving distant and cold
The silver lining, I cannot see.
Slowly through time my gait and balance have been taken
When not in use my limbs will almost always be shaking
The silver lining, I cannot see.
It’s hard to speak, but will continue to try no matter the cost
For my handwriting you see, the cause has been lost
The silver lining, I cannot see.
The storms’ rain has fallen long and cold
And over me, an umbrella you did hold
The silver lining, I did not see
You shared your warmth and sympathy
You were my rock, my stability
The silver lining, I did not see.
Things that were taken, you helped me replace
The warmth and smile you returned to my face
The silver lining, I did not see.
By my side you’ve stood and calmed my shaking hand
My support you’ve been, when I fall in your arms I land
The silver lining, I did not see.
Silver is precious and bright, yet is still cold
The lining I see is filled with the warmth of gold
The silver lining, I did not see.
The gold lining I see is thee.
How can I say. . .
How do I say “I love you”, in a way that you would understand,
When I’m not there to see you or hold you by the hand?
How do I say “I miss you”, in a way that you would feel,
When I’m not there to kiss your scrapes just to help them heal?
How do I tell you “you’re my life”, and let you know my heart,
When I can’t be there to hold you, for we live to far apart?
How do I tell you “I’m sorry” or support you when you’ve had a loss,
When my speech won’t let me, for sometimes of it I’m not the boss?
How can I “be your rock”, and help you stand your ground,
When I’m not there to back you, when you need me around?
How do I say “I think of you and miss you more each and every day”,
When the feeling is so much more than words can ever say?
How do I say “I must be on my way”, and not break your heart,
When I finally get to see you then the time comes when we must part?
Words cannot begin to tell you how I truly feel,
Nor can they really help the broken heart to heal.
I pray that you hear it all from my simple charms,
Like the warmth and embrace found within my arms.
For my grandkids Jay, Brendan, Ava,Kinley & Koby
When is Enough Enough
When is enough heartache to cause you to cry?
When is enough sorrow to wish you would die?
When is enough hurt to cause you pain?
When is enough joy to dance in the rain?
When is the carrot too small for the stick?
After how many beatings does the hide become thick?
How big is the straw that breaks the camels’ back?
When is “I’m sorry” not enough to take it all back?
When is enough push to turn into shove?
When is enough like to change into love?
When is there enough calm to call it a peace?
When do we place our weapons out of reach?
The smallest items or actions make a change in the scale,
Forgiveness and love, over hate and anger will always prevail.
It all starts with you, so give it a whirl.
From the tiny grain of sand the oyster grows the pearl.
More to say
The daylight ends the darkness with the roosters’ call,
Yet with the morning light, long shadows still do fall,
For I still hear your voice, but I don’t see you at all.
You’re my strength and my foundation, you held me through the pain,
You’re my smile and my laughter, you helped me to stay sane,
You’re my hope and my heart, my partner for dancing in the rain.
You’re always there to cheer me, as you sing a silly song,
You’re the one I look up to, even as you cheer me on,
You’re the one that I turn to, when I feel I don’t belong.
Even throughout your illness, you still put others first,
You’d give away your water, though you still had lots of thirst,
Now if I must say “good-bye”, it will cause my heart to burst.
Stay with me within my dreams, I’ve so much more to say,
Then when you get to Heaven’s gate, wait for me there I pray,
For no longer can I hold you Tom, we buried you today.
In memory of Tom Kelly 1/17/17
and of Tammy Kelly 7/25/19
_Doug Logan 2017
Road Trip
I took a drive today to ‘get some fresh air’,
I rode by your home, you were not there.
I continued to drive – turning at will,
And soon found myself at “Figure Eight Hill”.
I paused for a while thinking back on the time
With saucers and sleds that hill we did climb.
Today it lay lifeless without enough snow for sleds to take,
Quiet and lonely – today no memories to make.
Onward I drove with no destination in sight,
When I come upon another of your older homes on the right.
I pulled over and recalled the fun times in the house that we had,
But knowing that you were not there either, made me feel sad.
Forward and onward I continued to drive
As the memories of you continued to thrive.
I thought of all the ‘last minute’ road trips we’d take,
Our trips through “Hell”, “Mackinac”, “The U P”, or just to the lake.
I cried at the thought of taking those type of trips no more
As once again I arrived back at my own home door.
But then I realized what I had done was just as back then,
An unexpected road trip with no destination as it did begin.
As with the trips before for this one you did play a part,
As you made me see you are still there, as always, in my heart.
_Doug Logan
New Year
Just another day closes, yet we call it a year;
Let’s pray it was one filled with laughter and cheer.
As we gather tonight with family and friends and sing of times long past;
We cast our memories back on this year which we now call “last”.
We shed tears for the loved ones we gained and for those we’ve lost;
Let’s hope the year hasn’t passed with too great a cost.
As the new day begins we say “a new year is born”;
We greet its’ birth with toast, bells, whistles and horn.
Plans are made with goals to reach, promises made, and oaths to keep;
Fireworks light the early morning sky to wake those who dare try sleep.
With our gaiety and laughter we break the silence of the night;
And praise ourselves for last year’s deeds we managed right.
For the moment we are joyous and free, untouched by the sorrow;
For those to whom we can no longer say “I’ll see you tomorrow”.
Tonight, stand with me and raise high a glass of good cheer;
And be thankful for those loved ones with us still this year.
Should old acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind?
Should old acquaintance be forgot, and old times gone bye?
For old time’s gone bye, my friend, for old time’s gone bye,
We’ll raise a toast of kindness yet, for old time’s gone bye.
Doug